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Are you financially compatible with your partner? Or do you rub each other the wrong way? You'll want to tune into Bill Carroll's morning show on Newstalk 1010 CFRB this Friday morning (Jan. 30) at 7:30 a.m. That's when I'm going to quiz the popular talk show host on his money personality and if it matches with his beautiful wife, Sylvie. The idea came to me when one of his radio team remarked to me the other morning how tough it was to pay down a credit card. "My wife and I are the same with money," he said. "We're both big spenders in denial." It's often been said that opposites attract. So normally what I see in couples are one who spends it all and hides the credit card statements, and the other who budgets, saves and has a hissy fit when the hidden bills are eventually found or collection agencies start to call. Laurie Campbell, executive director of Credit Canada, explains there are four different personalities when it comes to handling money - and each of these personalities can be guilty of financial power plays with the one they love. First are the "infantilizers." Now, I can see Bill scratching his head, and asking, "what the heck is that?" An infantilizer is a person who likes to manipulate their spouse into becoming a financial child. In other words, they're so unsure of their own capabilities with money, they set out to diminish their mate's authority and intelligence. These guys will say: "Don't worry your pretty little head about it." Interpretation: "You wouldn't understand anyway." Or, they'll say, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." Now, that's the kind of statement gold-diggers like Marilyn Munroe in "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" would love to hear. But I'm sure Sylvie, a business/political dynamo, wouldn't be amused. The next personality are the "information controllers." These people are chronic liars. They'll lie about their losses, about what they owe. When their better half starts grilling them, they'll be evasive and ambiguous. Or, they'll even lash out. These are the ones who hide statements and bills. In short, they want to keep their mates powerless about what's going on with their financial affairs. "I don't want to talk about," is a favourite cop-out, meaning it's none of your business. My bet is tempers here can easily flare. Screaming matches follow. The third personality is a category that if I'm not careful I can fall into. It's the "money martyr." These people find themselves saying "I can't possibly buy something for myself because the kids need designer clothes." Now, believe me, I am no slave to labels. But after my daughter, Skye, beat cancer I found myself caving in on shopping trips. Just ask Skye how often she'll hear me say "I never buy anything for myself" as we load up on brand names for her. But the truth be known, I'd rather buy designer labels at Goodwill. Yes, you can buy brand new clothes there if you time a visit when big labels are dumping their ends of lines. You wouldn't believe the deals I've found. The money martyr also will keep that dreaded job to keep the family in comfort, and never stop harping about it. "All I do for you, and this is the thanks I get," is a favourite line. "It's all about me," sums up the fourth personality, who are described as "unilateral decision makers." These are the ones who thrive on the power of spending money anyway they want, and without their spouse knowing. They'll secretly take out loans. They'll wipe out savings. And when the house of cards finally collapses, the relationship can be on very shaky ground. Bottom line is fighting over money is the leading cause of D-I-V-O-R-C-E, says Campbell. And sex expert, Valerie Gibson, host of a new Relationship Show on Rogers TV on Tuesdays at 2 p.m., warns if you're fighting about money, soon the sizzle will fizzle in the bedroom. So, here's some advice. As tough as it may be, try to be honest, open and fair about money. Campbell suggests couples set aside a regular time to discuss budgets, what the kids need, if you're on track with savings, and how to build an emergency fund. I say get the kids involved, too - especially in these days when assets are shrinking, bills are escalating and layoffs are stacking up. Try not to blame each other about financial problems, and don't resort to blaming each other's parents and their follies with money. If both spouses are working, often a joint account to pay the bills and mortgage will work, with separate accounts for savings. But that's your choice. Key, says Campbell, is to keep each other informed about all assets and debts - whether in savings, chequing or credit accounts. And estate planning lawyer Les Kotzer of Thornhill-Ont. based law firm Fish & Associates, reminds us the best gift for the kids is an up-to-date will, which outlines where all assets and liabilities are. Key here is who will care for kids, should heaven forbid, something happen to you and your partner. If you're planning on getting hitched, Campbell suggests taking a financial compatability test. Go to Credit Canada.com, and under Couples and Money, you can find out your score. Fact is if you're planning on spending the rest of your life together, you better be upfront about what liabilities and assets you're bringing to the union. A botched credit score, for example, can destroy your dream of home ownership. Next Tuesday, during a Lunch & Learn luncheon for the Ontario Hospital Association, I'll delve more into budgeting, the importance of staying on track and why money compatibility is so important. This venue, though, is for OHA staff only. Stay tuned for other seminars that I plan on offering, plus a new book, Money Is A Kid's Best Friend. And don't forget to tune in CFRB every morning. Now I can't wait for Bill to confess what money personality he is. Linda Leatherdale |